The Rookies

Smiling? Immodest.

Columnisting, which is defined by me as “the moronic convention of sports writers being force to shoehorn an angle and some opinion into a set word length,” is increasingly turning into a race to the most inoffensive conveyance of suburban smarm.

Rick Reilly’s so good at it that he’s almost shark-like: If he smells something even slightly deviant from the country club’s sensibilities, he snaps it up.

If this persists, we’re going to need a bigger blog.

Sore winners

These folks have won a lot. You’d think they’d be better at it.

The writing jokes write themselves! Read the rest of this entry →

Look, let’s just get this out of the way: I dislike you, Rick Reilly. Many, many people do. The only people that don’t dislike you are rich white folk who drive SUV’s from their homes in the suburbs to offices in slightly more urban suburbs and watch CNBC and think that subsidized health care is awful because it means they’ll have to wait 15 extra minutes to see their third favorite doctor. These are the people that have you in a job, that forward the notion of you somehow being one of the best sportswriters around. They are completely disassociated with reality, which makes you their mouthpiece. You laugh at the same things they do. You are touched by what touches them. And what makes them indignant, what sets off the buzzer that tells them – once again – that America is not just the solipsistic Norman Rockwell nightmare of green suburban lawns with no sidewalks that they lock their doors on every evening…well, that ticks you off as well.

Like this:

Vagina dentata? YEAH I SAID IT.

Hello, gang. Sorry I haven’t been around the last couple of days. To make up for it, I’m slaughtering a scared cow. (That is the expression, right?)

That picture of Rick Reilly should tell you… Read the rest of this entry →