The Rookies

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dear Troy,

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Aaron Rodgers: Property of the Bucs

Speaking Sputnik doesn’t remember the last two Saturdays but loves him a football Sunday. And imagining what’s going on in your favorite quarterback’s head.

Dear Diary,

Finalized guest list for my MVP cocktail party. Peyton is so going to love the hors d’oeuvres, I made them in the shape of the Lombardi Trophy I’m going to win. Classy, I know.

Drew Brees

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No, dude, I swear. ESPN does this all the time.

Speaking Sputnik is, well, speechless. Here are the juicier excerpts from the Week 6 NFL QBs’ diaries.

Dear Diary,

Call me greased lightning because I sure as HELL struck twice! ESPN calls me a hero; Ray Lewis should just call me “Sir” because we got out of there with a W thanks to my GUN! YEAH! I mean, I might as well have told Longwell to sit himself down so I could kick the game-winning field goal! I could have done it! Flacco looked really depressed after the game so I told him– hey no big, kid. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to give him and Stafford lessons on how to be Gunslingers one day. It’s going to be so sweet having my NFL brethren respect me! JaMarcus texted me today, but I don’t know, man, he shredded that Philadelphia D like he was a Pit Bull; he doesn’t need me to improve his Rocket Arm. Life coach teaching me proper use of semicolon for weekly ESPN column on myself. Favre out.

Brett Favre

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Speaking Sputnik has been fighting against Roger Goodell’s Storm Troopers in support of the Fair Catch Kick, but he still broke into your favorite quarterbacks’ houses to get these gems. He also shared a crate of beets with John Madden. Viva la revolución!

Dear Diary,

Your move, Brees.

Peyton Manning

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Brett Who?

Speaking Sputnik rallied from a blurry Saturday night to take a guess at what your favorite NFL quarterback is thinking right now.

Dear Diary,

Duuuuuuuude, we totally stuck those Pats like they were UCLA or something. I was sort of surprised, I mean I sort of expected my first game against Brady to be a pressure cooker or something. It was pretty chill, dude. I mean, the Jets fans totally weren’t that racist after I got that TD in the third, and our defense pretty much handled Brady. I was just sort of hoping that Kerry Rhodes wouldn’t get eaten, but the win was pretty nice. Hopefully I can, like, do better than Leinart and Palmer. I don’t even have Ochowhoever to throw to, dude. Solid game, solid. Peace.

Mark Sanchez

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Week One was an interesting week for NFL quarterbacks; Speaking Sputnik imagines what may be going through some of the more notable QB’s heads.

Dear Diary,

I am a stud. What, we were playing the Lions? Whatever. Hello, Pro Bowl.

Drew Brees

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Michael Crabtree is also a spider. Now you know.

At this point, it’s not exactly news that the NFL’s process for signing first round draft picks isn’t exactly functional. Read the rest of this entry →

Peyton: Gee, Eli, Father’s Day is today and we still haven’t got Pop a gift! He’ll be home from his weekly forehead moisturizing in half an hour!

Eli: Gosh, I know Peyton! We need to brainstorm real fast for things that Papa would like!

(five minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall) Read the rest of this entry →

Called “the dirtiest player in the league” by many NFL players, Rodney Harrison has retired after 15 seasons. A majority of the complaints about cheap shots will disappear this upcoming NFL season, as well.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVbDQF8m1-4]
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Full disclosure: I go to school in Minnesota.

Ever since the “Vikes like Favre” news broke, the prevailing point of view seemed to be that no one wanted him here, that he totally sucks and is a dick, and it would be super cool if he could just die (or fade into the ether, I don’t know how demigods go). Well, um, uh…

North Dakota just likes the salt-and-pepper beard.

Yeah. Seemed is the right word.

Moments like this remind me how behind the curve a lot of Minnesota sports fans can be. (“What?! BRETT FAVRE?! That’s a name we’ve heard before! Other people have heard it too!”) As a Bills fan I can’t really speak from personal experience, but if I can speak to the facial expressions I see from people in Vikings jerseys around, Favre might not be the best idea, no matter what color are state is on that chart.

And no, I have no idea about North Dakota.