The Rookies

We find our hero at home, stoically picking an epic eye booger.

Jeff: Boy, this thing just does NOT want to come out!

(spends several hours trying to remove eye booger)

(realizes he’s been working on the wrong eye)

(finally clears out the correct one)

Jeff: Silly me, that went much easier! Now that my eyes are functioning at optimal levels again I should do something that uses them. But what? Read the rest of this entry →

We find our, um, “hero” at home trying to open a bag of sunflower seeds to help cope with getting jerked around by the ABC people in charge of The Superstars.

Jeff: Man, those ABC guys really need to make up their minds. First me and the girl made of Doritos are off the show, then all of a sudden we’re back on it! If only I could get these sunflower seeds open I’d sure as shootin’ feel better! (wrestles with bag for several hours, finally asks a small child to open the bag) Read the rest of this entry →

We find Jeff Kent holding a press conference to make a surprise announcement.

Jeff: (fires BB gun into air) Thanks for coming everybody, just a quick announcement that may blow your minds. Read the rest of this entry →

It is with great pride that The Rookies presents episode two of the ongoing saga of Jeff Kent’s life after retirement.

Jeff Kent has spent the week since his trip to the movies at home watching a Hills marathon.

Read the rest of this entry →