The Rookies

…and that’s why CoolHWhip still hasn’t learned how to read.

Good day everybody. Today we have a special treat for you in the form of interview. First it was Gourmet Spud. Then Stev D came along. Last week we had twoeightnine, and for the fourth edition of The Rookies Interviews we have esteemed blogger and Deadspin Commenter Christmas Ape. A member of one of the most successful sports blogs Kissing Suzy Kolber and a former journalist for the Washington Post, he’s a Deadspin legend who has been around for what seems like ages. But enough of me. Let’s get this interview kick started!
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…and that’s the last time I’ll go on a hang gliding adventure tour with Shawn Kemp and Vin Baker.

Oh! Hello there! Welcome to The Rookies Interviews, where I, Shakey, quiz Deadspin star commenters on their transgressions and tribulations. Last week, we had Stev D. The week before, the mighty Gourmet Spud. This week? Well we have photoshop extraordinaire and long time Deadspin commenter twoeightnine, one of the oldest and most heralded names in the Deadspin commentariat. The owner of his own T-Shirt website and former member of WithLeather, he is now partaking on a photojournalist extravaganza all over the world. You can follow his journeys through Twitter. But enough of my words, why don’t we get this interview KICK STARTED!?!
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…and that’s why I’ll never hunt rabid antelopes with Flavor Flav ever again.

Oh! Hello there. Didn’t see you come in. Why don’t you take a seat, grab some hot cocoa and get comfortable. It’s your favorite interviewer Shakey. And if I’m not your favorite, at least put me in your top 100. Okay, can you at least put me ahead of Bill O’Reilly? Today we have a treat for you on the internet front.

Last week, we interviewed the almighty Gourmet Spud, the bona fide number one commenter in the history of the world. Believe me, I read it. In a book. This week for our second edition of this fine series we have Gourmet Spud’s favorite commenter, the one and only Stev D, recepient of the first ever Deadspin Comment of the Week Award and commenting extraordinaire. So why don’t we go ahead and get this thing kick started!
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We at the Rookies have something special in store for you today. If you’re a Deadspin reader/commenter, you’ll know that the comment section is chock full of hilarious wits and entertaining one liner spewers. I, Shakey, have snagged an interview with one of the top dogs, Mr. Gourmet Spud. If you don’t know him, why not check out some of his sample work.

As a victim of Mad Cow Disease, I:

(a) find this whole “meat madness” concept in bad taste, and
(b) have two weeks to live.

It’s times like these I’m glad I reside on a pop-bottle raft floating out in international waters.

TaylorMade and Golfsmith.com will refund the cost of your driver if El Nino wins at Augusta. They will also buy you a house if John Daly is ever elected Senator.

Thanks for nothing, Kyle. Now I can add a quadruple amputee to the list of people who’ve got a better physique than me.

You’ve just been enlightened by his comments, but you must know more. So today we’re about to be educated in the ways of the mystery man known as Gourmet Spud. And I’m going to RIP THE LID OFF OF IT!

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As many of you readers know, we here at the Rookies are indebted to the legendary sports site known as Deadspin and love to show our gratitude by ripping them off. Since, as it does every year, Deadspin is about to preview the upcoming NCAA Tournament by giving bloggers a chance to preview all 65 teams in the tournament, we thought it might be fun to let 32 different bloggers do the same for each team in the NIT, which like the Big Dance, has its selection show tonight. Bloggers would share trivia about each of the different schools, their strengths, their weaknesses, their rivalries, and why they got snubbed from the Big One. Bloggers do not have to write about their alma maters. Schools will be claimed mostly on a first come, first served basis but we’re not afraid to play favorites (translation: if you’re going to blog about Florida, make sure Rock’s OK with it). You can give us your choices at therookies@gmail.com.

I’ve said this before in DUAN, but doesn’t Chris Cooley and Deadspin Editor AJ Daulerio look strikingly similar? Could Daulerio really be a burly Pro Bowl Tight End masquerading as a sports blogger? Conspiracy theorists all agree that I’m full of shit. Read on and make your own decision.

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So I’ve decided that whenever I find an amusing DUAN! conversation, why not share it with the world. Episode 1, Ski Accidents.

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Why hello audience, Shakey here. You might recognize me as the longtime Deadspin commenter Flametown (which I was for almost two years until I realized it had a marginally gay connotation. Don’t want to attract John Amaechi or A-Rod or something), and now as the aforementioned name.

Now let me keep this short and to the point. I’ve been submerged in the Deadspin Universe since 2005, and have a passion for keeping the Deadspin comment area devoid of unworthy contributors. After countless hours spent in the Deadspin comment section, including a personal best 23 day commenting streak in December of 08, I’ve decided to use some of this time to attempt to blog. Thanks to esteemed commenter Rock You Like An Iracane, I have this opportunity.

I’m a 19 year old Temple journalism student living in constant fear of getting shot in the face. As a matter of fact, last night there was a shooting 100 feet from my residence, aptly titled by my fellow students as the ‘Crown Chicken Massacre.’

Those guys… are probably going to jail.

*Here’s another link to the story.

I love everything Philadelphia, but I try to stay away from homer-isms as much as possible. Unless you’re a Giants fan.

Anyways, lets have some fun, why don’t we? Hail the ‘Royal We’, keep up the good work Daulerio and RIP Barbaro. Deadspin commentariat unite!

And now I’ll leave you with a random Mitch Hedberg quote.

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn’t come in real handy when you’re gambling. “Come on four billion! Fuck! Seven. Not even close. I need some more dice. Four billion divided by six, at least.”

Oh yeah, and a hearty Fuck You to Facebook Commenters.