Posts by LWBH:
- Jeff Kent sounds EXACTLY the way I write him.
- Oh, look, Brandi Chastain in a sports bra. Never seen that before.
- Ali Landry may struggle to put on a bike helmet, but she still looks good.
- That bridge slowly rises a total of ten stories. My legs cry just thinking about it.
- Robert Horry is waaaaay too big to ride a bike.
- T.O. ran almost the entire course while Joanna was on the bike.
- Ali Landry is far too chipper to exist.
- Jeff Kent is the oldest competitor?
- Paige Hemmis: good at kayaking.
- Robert Horry sitting is the same height as Estella Warren standing.
- Lisa Leslie capsizes, as do T.O., and Chastain.
- Paddlefight/catfight between Kristi and Joanna!
Jeff Kent’s Life After Retirement, Episode 7: Jeff’s Crazy Vampire Adventure
November 17th, 2009We find our hero at home, stoically picking an epic eye booger.
Jeff: Boy, this thing just does NOT want to come out!
(spends several hours trying to remove eye booger)
(realizes he’s been working on the wrong eye)
(finally clears out the correct one)
Jeff: Silly me, that went much easier! Now that my eyes are functioning at optimal levels again I should do something that uses them. But what? Read the rest of this entry “
Last Call: Labor Day Edition
September 7th, 2009Hey there everybody, hope your Labor Day (Labour Day if you’re a communist or Buch) went well. Since yours truly goes to a private school I actually had classes today, so I figured I may as well continue being the only one doing anything and write your Last Call today.
Music : Metric – Help I’m Alive
Now normally around these parts we have some rap or hip-hop or what have you, but since I’m in charge tonight screw that. Instead I bring you a song that’s been stuck in my head for weeks, “Help I’m Alive” by the band Metric.
How Does It Feel? Brett Favre, Minnesota Viking
August 19th, 2009
Why I Root: The Houston Astros
August 13th, 2009
This is still a hot mess.
So I’m from Wisconsin, born and raised in America’s Dairyland (take your “happy cows” and shove off California), an ardent fan of the Packers and Badgers and a follower of the woeful Bucks. So it should come as no surprise that my favorite baseball team is…the Houston Astros. Read the rest of this entry “
Video Game Review: MLB 09: The Show
August 4th, 2009
Even the cover is scrappy!
Now, this site bills itself as a “college blog”, and what do college students know better than video games? Other than booze, sex, where the cheapest pizza place is at 3 AM, how bad laundry smells when mom doesn’t do it for you, the fact that roommates suck, hangover cures (Rock note: I’m more shameless than Shanoff!), and frisbee, nothing.
So with that in mind it is my great pleasure to bring you the first Rookies Video Game Review.
Today’s subject is MLB 09: The Show for the PlayStation 3. Read the rest of this entry “
An Open Letter to Jay Mariotti
July 23rd, 2009Dear Jay,
My name is LittleWaynesBleedingHead. Well, not my REAL name, that’s my blogging name. And that’s sort of what I want to talk to you about. I was just wondering if we could have a little chat, blogger to blogger. Read the rest of this entry “
Dorm Life Weekend: Character Interviews
July 18th, 2009So as we said yesterday, we love Dorm Life, like, a lot.
This prompted us to reach out and and request interviews with some of the protagonists, who were more than gracious in answering our many pestering little questions.
Warning, spoilers ahead! Read the rest of this entry “
Jeff Kent’s Life After Retirement, Episode 6: Jeff Fights His Past
July 16th, 2009We find our, um, “hero” at home trying to open a bag of sunflower seeds to help cope with getting jerked around by the ABC people in charge of The Superstars.
Jeff: Man, those ABC guys really need to make up their minds. First me and the girl made of Doritos are off the show, then all of a sudden we’re back on it! If only I could get these sunflower seeds open I’d sure as shootin’ feel better! (wrestles with bag for several hours, finally asks a small child to open the bag) Read the rest of this entry “
Superstars Week One Recap
June 25th, 2009Well, ABC rolled out the first new version of “Superstars” since 2003 last night. Now, normally this show would be worth watching just for the fact that T.O. is in it along with a bunch of shapely women wearing spandex, but this version is especially worthwhile for us because it includes perennial Rookies whipping boy Jeff Kent.
And, as our main only slinger of scorn at one Jeffrey Franklin Kent, the task fell to me to watch and recap every episode of this summer series.
Will I have made a grave mistake? Will I get to see Terrell Owens cry? Jump and find out.
The Teams
Since this is the first episode, no one has been eliminated yet, leaving us with eight teams of two, one athlete and one celebrity. Their names, and some pictures:
Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa
That looks like a movie poster.
Jeff Kent and Ali Landry
Jeff Kent is the smart one. Really.
Robert Horry and Estella Warren
Not pictured: The stool Warren’s standing on.
Bode Miller and Paige Hemmis
That is the least stoned Bode’s ever been.
Jennifer Capriati and David Charvet
David Charvet has to be a fake name.
Lisa Leslie and Dan Cortese
Look, the woman’s the tall one!
Brandi Chastain and Julio Iglesias, Jr.
High point of Julio’s career, right here.
Kristi Leskinen and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
I won’t pretend to know who they are.
The Announcing Crew
John Saunders is the “host” of the show as well as providing the play-by-play action, a role in which he does a Maddenesque job of telling everyone the blatantly obvious.
Doing the interview work for John and ABC are a surprisingly nimble Warren Sapp and some woman named Jenn Brown, who is in great shape. This might be why they asked her to be in a swimsuit instead of Warren.
Hint: Jenn Brown is the blonde.
The Actual Competition
The first of two events for the day is a long-ass race across a bridge. The event succeeds in being both physically challenging and showing off the gorgeous Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas where the show is set.
Each team gets one bike between the two members and the goal is to be the first team to get both participants across the finish line first, handing off the bike however they want, with the partner not on the bike running instead.
A few random notes from this event:
And the winner of the first event: Brandi and Julio!
Coming in last is Jennifer and David, after a mix-up in communication that results in Jennifer being unable to find where David put it and running the rest of the way.
The second event is actually pretty dang awesome. They took the lazy river attraction around the resort, amped up the waves, and gave the teams kayaks. There were two heats of four teams each, and the teams used a relay format to finish, where each would paddle for half the course.
Random notes:
After the first two heats the following teams advanced to the winners race: Bode and Paige, Jeff and Ali (Woo!), TO and Joanna, and Kristi and Maks. Out of those four the ultimate winners are Kristi and Maks, as Jeff falls three times in rapid succession. (Our blog thanks you for your failure.)
Following that there is one final kayak race to determine which team, either Owens/Krupa or Kent/Landry, would have to face elimination in the obstacle course. This race, however, requires both teammates to be in the kayak at once. The ultimate winners here are Jeff and Ali, meaning the Rookies’ rooting interest is safe for another week.We also find out that Owens is even a diva on this show, as he would rather wade away shirtless into the lazy river than face mild questioning from Jenn Brown.
Finally we get to the obstacle course, which defines the term “weaksauce”. The course is more grade school jungle gym than grueling test of physical ability.
First heat through the course: T.O. and Joanna vs. Jennifer and David. David keeps up surprisingly well with Terrell the whole way, and is neck and neck with Owens until they get to the cargo net, where T.O. gets his foot caught, allowing David to finish before him and giving Jennifer a great head start. She proceeds to faceplant and nearly give away a gift victory, but manages to survive and push Krupa and Owens to sudden death. At this point Krupa and Owens solidify their title as the moodiest team ever when Joanna snaps on T.O. for sucking so much. The “That’s not my supermodel!” rant, sadly, does not transpire.
The second heat is Horry and Warren vs. Leslie and Cortese, which, really is fun to say. Robert and Lisa start out and stay very close until they reach the cargo net, rapidly establishing itself as the show’s breakout star. Lisa gets caught up badly in the net, then goes the wrong way once she gets free. allowing both Horry and Warren to finish before she does,
The final match-up is Lisa and Dan vs. Terrell and Joanna. (Loser goes home, winner gets to live. Or something.) Owens gets through the net fine this time and barely beats Dan, and the race comes down to Lisa and Joanna. The two are neck and neck when they get to the net, and for a second it looks like Lisa is stuck again, but she gets out in time to win, sending Krupa and Owens home.
That prompted this outburst directed at Owens from Krupa: “I’ll be a prima donna like you been.” It is much more interesting if you are watching it, and if you see the unedited preface that was not broadcast:
Your brief recap of the first week of “The Superstars” on ABC: There were bikes, boats, the Bahamas, Warren Sapp, and a devilish cargo net, plus my source of material lived to showcase his moustache another week. Come back next week, when Jeff Kent will jump through a ring of fire to save a dolphin*.
*May not actually occur.
What A Difference One Game Makes
June 22nd, 2009
After two matches in the 2009 Confederations Cup, the US Men’s Team seemed finished. They needed a miracle to get out of group play yesterday.
And they got it.
It was a stunning, wholly unexpected result, and just like that, the sting of two poorly played matches was erased and the US can now look forward to the Confed semifinals.
But one thing bugs me about all this, and that’s the way the mainstream media covered the entire tournament. Many, many media outlets questioned the play of the US squad following their anemic performances against Brazil and Italy, and even more commented on the increasingly grim spectre of the 2010 World Cup staring the American squad in the face.
Admittedly, the team DID look awful. But, and this is important, they looked awful against Italy and Brazil, ranked fourth and fifth in the world, respectively. Most teams would look awful against that caliber of opponent, yet the media acted as if the losses proved Bob Bradley and his squad couldn’y beat a local elementary school team, much less World Cup opponents. In fact, one of the best takes on the exceptionally tough draw the US competed against, courtesy of Match Fit USA, doesn’t expect the US to advance at all. Heck, they didn’t even think America would win one match. They were predicting two points, a pair of draws, and they would have been thrilled with that.
If only major news outlets had the same sense of realism. One of the many reporters and columnists doing a complete 180 on the team’s Confed appearance is Ives Galarcep, of Soccer By Ives and ESPN Soccernet. He wrote this article on June 19, and under the headline “Plenty of question marks for U.S. in Confederations Cup,” he takes shots at U.S. manager Bob Bradley, questioning his personnel decisions and blaming him for the lackluster attitude of the team. He also called out Clint Dempsey, calling him “burned out” and calling for him to be taken out of the lineup on Sunday.
Cut to his post-miracle column from yesterday evening. In it he praises Bob Bradley for the faith he had in his team, summed up nicely in this paragraph:
In the end, it wasn’t about Bradley’s moves and decisions, but about the faith he showed in his players and his team, faith that was rewarded on Sunday. Faith that produced an unforgettable result that will only make the team stronger as it moves toward next year’s World Cup.
Are we to believe that Ives would be lauding the coach’s “faith” if the same moves had netted a different result? If the US had lost or drawn, that faith would most surely be labeled as misplaced. But since the unthinkable happened, the managerial style that was roundly criticized just 48 hours earlier suddenly becomes the faith needed to strengthen a team that was “headed for another early World Cup exit”.
Earlier in his post U.S.-Egypt piece, he praised the decision to keep Clint Dempsey in the game, the same Dempsey who he demanded be sat for the match. I suppose that’s what scoring the third, final, and most important goal of the game will do to someone.
Now, I don’t really know what my point is. I guess it’s basic disgust at the flimsy nature of soccer coverage in America. There was an amazing overreaction to two losses that honestly were not that unexpected. This overreaction led to doom and gloom predictions for a tournament a full year from now.
But then a miracle occurs, one game goes completely, utterly right, and all those old fears and concerns are out the window? I can understand being pleased with the result: I was personally ecstatic, and it’s an incredible result to be able to write and pontificate on.
All I ask is this: Please, at least be consistent. Don’t put all your eggs in the catastrophe basket for 2010 then suddenly drop it completely following one amazing performance. There are still questions and doubts that the 3-0 final didn’t erase completely. Rightly, what it should have done, it did, in some cases, lightening the unfair media scrutiny a bit.
The U.S. team now has the semi-finals of the Confederations Cup to look forward to, and reigning European champions Spain to contend with. No matter the outcome, all the hubbub will be about how it translates to the World Cup.
A quick reminder, though: That’s the 2010 World Cup, taking place one full year from now.
Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.
