Posts by CoolHwhip:
- Chad Ochocinco spars with
Socks“Ron Artest.” (Style Points) - Mariano Rivera can stop time, and cheat death. But, c’mon, it was only the Mets. (3:10 to Joba)
- This name is just awesome. (Dunking With Wolves)
- The end of a brilliant era. (Rockin’ Steady)
- Hirshey (!) on soccer, once more. (Deadspin)
- Tomato and the Canadian on the NHL Draft.
- Rock on EA in EA, and Andy Roddick’s openness.
- Screaming that causes ear bleeds
- Crabwalk (not quite crab-dribbling) guitar playing
- Synchronized headbangs
- Synchronized guitar flips
- No discernable plot, just a girl walking throughout a house in the middle of nowhere
- The song is called “Stick Stickly”
- Matching black shirts, blue jeans, and haircuts; it’s like a band of overweight Will Leitches
- A keyboard player rocking out
- More crabwalking
- A fucking techno breakdown out of NOWHERE
Lazy Saturday: The First Game
September 9th, 2009
Note: Not Cool.
Did you think we were going to change the overarching “CoolHwhip is a dork” metaphor?
Saturday was my first game at my new school, one of the coolest experiences of my life was running through the tunnel amid tens of thousands of screaming fans.
Sunday, I started getting “flu-like symptoms” which had me vomiting all day Monday.
So yeah, it was a weekend of highs and lows for ol’ CoolHwhip. Read the rest of this entry “
Chronicles of Nerdia: Of Equipment Managers, Offensive Line Coaches and Ass of Multiple Varieties
August 26th, 2009
GIS: "Football player camp."
This post is from last week but was delayed to this week due to my computer’s inability to leech off wireless internet from my neighbors.
So yeah, sorry about that. Read the rest of this entry “
Chronicles of Nerdia: The Sun, the Bitching, and the Playbook
August 10th, 2009
Note: This picture has nothing to do with Cool.
Our resident jock, CoolHWhip, once described himself as a “smart football player,” comparing the rarity of his combination of athletic talent and Star Wars love to a unicorn. He remains perhaps the nerdiest jock in The Rookies’ collective memory, playing quarterback for (college redacted) in (state redacted). The Chronicles of Nerdia will take you through his football life, and probably feature Paul Rudd in 93% of the posts. Enjoy.
Training camp: The beginning of football season, which blessedly breaks up the endless baseball highlights (NTTATWWT) and the Favre-Vikings-Everyone Else In The NFL orgy. Training camp is loved by fans of all levels of the game of pigskin, people from all walks of life.
Ah yes, training camp. So many memories. Read the rest of this entry “
Last Call: Introducing “Stick Stickly”
June 29th, 2009
Nice sunlight. (Gets much bigger.)
The last time we tried to say sports would be boring momentarily (just pretend that’s a link until we re-upload all of our posts from the last server) that whole Confederations Cup thing happened. So sports are going to be really freaking boring, with the exception of Wimbledon, for the next few days. Thus, the picture of Ms. Sharapova.
What do you mean she’s not in the tournament anymore? Dammit.
Other Sites’ Blogorrhea
Special commendation to Avoiding the Drop. All sorts of great soccer stuff over there.
Our Words, Matched With Pictures And Probably Spelled Wrong
After the jump, my adventure in new music. It is a must-read.
The Stick Stickly I thought I knew.
Growing up in the ’90s, I, as well as countless other tweens, would watch Nickelodeon day-in and day-out. It was only a matter of time before seeing a commercial featuring Stick Stickly, a Popsicle stick with little fake eyeballs (those ones that would come in a arts and crafts kit) and a drawn-on mouth, just about everyday.
Now the other day, a music video was brought to my attention. This music video was by a band calling themselves Attack Attack! (kind of like Panic! At the Disco before they sold-out and became all pop…yeah, never mind).
This song’s title? “Stick Stickly”.
If you made it through the whole video, kudos. The payoff at about 2:40 in is worth it?
Isn’t it?
ISN’T IT?!
Go on. Watch it again. I won’t blame you.
Okay, now, tell me: HOW AWESOME IS “STICK STICKLY”?!
This song/video (and, really, you can’t have one without the other) has everything:
I-I just don’t know what else to say. Attack Attack! has probably made one of the worst songs/music videos of all-time. But it is so awesomely terrific I can’t stop watching it.
My unintentional live blog, in our Executive Lounge, when this song was brought to my attention in the middle of one of our chats:
[11:41:12 PM] coolhwhip: You know that loud, rasping, cacophonous voice that they use, that sounds like yelling? That’s what bands do when they can’t sing. That and the continuous headbanding made me think this was a joke.
[11:41:29 PM] coolhwhip: What the hell is this?
[11:41:36 PM] coolhwhip: And how can a guy rock out on the keyboard?
[11:41:47 PM] coolhwhip: Why do I feel like I should go kill somebody?
[11:42:11 PM] coolhwhip: Why is my ear bleeding?
[11:42:36 PM] coolhwhip: I don’t feel so good
[11:42:37 PM] coolhwhip: /nose bleeds
[11:42:56 PM] coolhwhip: what the fuck?
[11:43:03 PM] coolhwhip: Techno breakdown?
[11:43:06 PM] coolhwhip: WHAT IS THIS
[11:43:31 PM] coolhwhip: /eye bleeds
[11:43:39 PM] coolhwhip: And….Fin.
Please, please spread this video around. I wish TRL was still around just so I could get one of those auto-dialers that I people use on American Idol to “stuff the ballot”.
Attack Attack!, thank you. (Or should that be a question mark? I hate punctuation.)
ALSO: Our server problems have been fixed. Thanks for sticking with us, and listening to Rock rant; we appreciate your support way more than you know. (Shakey subsists on Internet love, you see.)
Thanks for coming. Threaten my life for introducing you to this video in the comments.
The Draft Pool
April 25th, 2009I came up with an idea for the NFL Draft that I thought I’d share with my fellow writers, and now I’ll share it with you.
The “idea” is a draft pool where we each select 35 players eligible for the Draft. The players can overlap (we each can have Matt Stafford, Andre Smith, etc.), and whoever has their 35 picks selected first, wins.
Thought I’d share this idea for all you gambling maniacs out there. Now here are the picks from most of our editors, including a special guest appearance by Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolber:
Read the rest of this entry “
The Marathon That Is The NBA Playoffs
April 18th, 2009Today the NBA Playoffs start (and the playoffs continue for this thing called the N..H…L? Am I saying that right?).
Only two teams seem to have a legitimate chance: The Los Angeles Lakers and the Cleveland Cavaliers. Which is who the media wants in the championship anyways (LeBron vs. Kobe?! OMGZ!)
Me? I don’t really care who makes it to the Finals, as long as both teams play hard getting there.
This is unless, of course, the Celtics cart KG out on a wheelchair before a game and he hops up to come back and lead them to another championship.
Hey, anything is possible right?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyjOy7fRzs0]
The MVP Race: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love LeBron
April 16th, 2009By now you have heard all the talking-heads give their side on who should be the NBA’s MVP. I mean they have pounded that shit, like seriously raped your ears and eyes (Shakey just got really excited, easy killer) every day on “Who should be MVP?”
So now I, the “writer” with the handle name off of some stupid joke on Family Guy, will try and give my view on the NBA’s MVP race.
Superhero Baseball Team
April 2nd, 2009In honor of Opening Day this weekend, and my continuing love of superheroes (take that as you will…), I said to myself, “self, why not combine the two and make some superhero baseball team?”
So, Rookie readers, that is exactly what I did.
For CoolHwhip’s idea of an ideal Superhero baseball team, find out after the jump.
Down Goes Armstrong!
March 23rd, 2009
This picture needs more sling.
My Weekend Journey to the Louisiana Derby
March 16th, 20092009 was suppose to be the year that I venture out to the Kentucky Derby for the first time. My dad wants to go with me on my maiden voyage, but, of course, his job won’t allow him to go this year (for the first time this decade).
I was disappointed of course, and told myself, “self, there’s always next year”.
That was until the day my dad called me and asked if I wanted to go to the Louisiana Derby at the Fairgrounds in New Orleans.
“Mm, yeah” was all that I could muster up.
