At Last Call everyone knows MK's ... uh, name?

An up and down day yesterday for Philadelphia has made for a rough Monday, but nothing like Miranda stopping by to cheer us up. The Eagles destructed the Giants, but alas, the Yankees prevailed over the ever-reliable Brad Lidge. Game 5 of the World Series is tonight, with Cliff Lee taking the mound against A.J. Burnett to keep the Phillies alive. So let all the Phillies fans and Yankees haters pray together tonight for a Phillies victory. No fucking way I want to see the A-Rod’s centaur ass jumping around for joy in Philly. Now on to the jams…

Song of the Night: New York won the weekend over Philly by a 2-1.5 margin (the Sixers winning over the Knicks in a game where they blew a 23 point lead is only deserving of half a point), so we turn to Nasty Nas for the song of the night. After putting the Phillies on the brink, the “World is Yours” for the Yanks.

Links:

The Pub was able to lure Daulerio into an interview with blow and frogs.

Maury helped me a great deal in getting over the pain of the weekend.

The Flyers are scouting Peter Forsberg. Again. I guess it’s that time of the year again.

Ovechkin is officially bigger than the NHL.

When a 30-6 win sucks.

Topic of Discussion:

What was the best slutty costume you saw on Halloween? And if you were too drunk to remember, I commend you.

Alessandra, Welcome to Last Call

On a cold and rainy day, what better than Alessandra Ambrosio in a swimsuit to warm you up an get you ready for the weekend? We have a pretty serious sports weekend coming up, so let’s get to the previewing.

In the most important games of the weekend, we have the Yankees and Angels returning to the Bronx, fighting for the right to face the Phillies in the World Series. The Angels were able to extend the series thanks to the superb combination of timely hitting, Girardi’s terrible bullpen management, and Brian Fuentes keeping his shit together long enough to get the save. Saturday night we get the great pitching match-up of Joe Saunders and Andy Pettitte. I see Pettitte getting his record 16th postseason win as the Yanks win a tight one for the AL Pennant.

As for tomorrow and college football, we have a couple good match-ups. BYU hosting undefeated TCU is the standout game, as a TCU win gets them a whole lot closer to a BCS berth and greatly adding to the BCS clusterfuck. TCU gets the win on the road as Max Hall get buried. As for some of the other good games, I for some reason like my Wolverines to upset Penn St. at home, and Iowa and Texas to hold up surprisingly close upset efforts from MSU and Mizzou respectively.

As for the best NFL games of Sunday, Vikings @ Steelers and Bears @ Bengals are tops. I like the road teams taking the wins. Now on to…

Song of the Night: Wiz Khalifa has my favorite new song right now with this sick song featuring Aussie duo Empire of the Sun. Let us all “Wake up drunk go to sleep fucked up” this weekend.

Links:

Rock on Bill Simmons starting the revolution.

Chris Kluwe: NFL Punter, Vikings player, budding rock star?

Chuck’s got Michael Jordan explaining his views on the existence of God.

Mike Vick is apparently buying dog food at a CVS. Shakey races down to turn in his resume.

Bonus Song of the Night: I’ve got pretty high standards for songs about Philadelphia (step it up, Neil Young), but this remix of Jay-Z’s Empire State of Mind is a pretty damn good ode to Philly.

Topic of Discussion:

After witnessing the female that Steve Phillips chose to have an affair with, what possibly could have enticed him into such debauchery? I’d like to imagine it was a shared affection for aging ineffective veterans.

Have a good weekend people.

Miranda Kerr appreciates a good ol' pitching duel

As I write this, Pedro Martinez and Vicente Padilla are currently locked in a pitching duel in game 2 of the Phillies/Dodgers NLCS. If you had told me this would happen in April, I would have kindly directed you to the nearest insane asylum. This is a match-up you would have expected in 2002, when Pedro had a 2.26 ERA for the Sawx and Padilla a 3.28 ERA for the Phils. But now Pedro (the former Dodger) is pitching for the Phillies and Padilla is a Dodger. Postseason baseball is muy peculiar.

As for the other match-up, we have CC Sabathia and the Yanks hosting Lackey and the Angels. I expect the Yankees to win as Hank Steinbrenner and Bud Selig each jump for joy in their respective luxury boxes.

Song of the Night: Philly’s finest The Roots get the honor as the Phillies are pushing for the 2-0 lead in the NLCS.

Links:

Samer brings Footballday to the masses.

Yankees fans get the pleasure of Joe Buck doing their games instead of the NFL this weekend.

This is why Kareem hasn’t gotten a coaching gig

Topic of Discussion:

Ideal World Series match-up for a best baseball match-up? I say Yankees-Phillies.

Have a good weekend people.

The Phillies have won the Division Series, defeating the Rockies 5-4 tonight at Coors Field. There will be no gloating here; the Phillies have been here before and I am tired, but happy. This was an exhausting game, going from the highs of Victorino’s and Werth’s home runs to the lows of a Rockies’ 3-run 8th to give Colorado a 4-2 lead. The Phillies were able to answer back and win the game, thanks in part to a gigantic Howard double to tie the game and a Werth go-ahead single. Scott Eyre was able to get 2 outs against the lefty-heavy Rockies before Lidge shut the door on Troy Tulowitzki and a potential Rockies rally.

The Phillies are on their way to Los Angeles for a rematch of last year’s fantastic NLCS which gave us this mammoth blast:

And the even better quote from Matt Stairs afterwords, “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done.”

Looking at the great comeback Philadelphia completed, it’s tempting to look at these Phillies as a team of destiny, a team that could be the first NL squad since the Big Red Machine to win back to back championships. There are a lot of parallels for this upcoming NLCS: same opponents, same NLDS results from last year with the Phillies winning in 4 and the Dodgers sweeping their opponent as the underdog. But this is a scary Dodgers team, seemingly with the toughness and resolve that last year’s squad lacked. I’ll save a prediction until I’ve had a chance to come down from this win, sleep, and analyze it a bit deeper. But here’s what matters: LCS Baseball is back with two great match-ups, and the Phillies are apart of it.

As I write this, the Philadelphia Phillies are playing the Colorado Rockies to clinch a berth in the NLCS. Since the other three Divisional Series sucked, come watch an actual competitive series. For those of you who are communists and don’t like baseball, we also have a Monday Night Football game tonight, with the New York Jets taking on Miami Dolphins. Let’s see how much gloating/misery Braylon Edwards causes Jets fans tonight. Keeping it short cause I’m watching the Fightin’s, but come on by and enjoy the night with us. Even if you’re a Yankees fan, although I can’t promise Chuck and TDD won’t threaten you with bodily harm.

Donovan, Destroying the Peace in Honduras

Mech: In an important day for US Soccer, the men’s team clinched their sixth straight World Cup birth. Facing a tough road game against arguably the best Honduran squad in its history, the United States came out with the crucial victory. The United States fell behind 1-0 on a Julio Leon free kick. However, the controversial starter Conor Casey then scored two goals to give the United States a 2-1 lead. A Donovan strike on a free kick gave the US the 3-1 lead in the 69th minute. But Honduras answered back with a Leon blast in the 78th minute. Honduras had multiple chances to draw the game late in the game, most notably with Pavon skying a penalty kick caused by a Bocanegra handball. But the US escaped with the win and WC berth, leaving Honduras on the brink of a playoff for a World Cup spot. Sputnik, what stands out to you from such a fantastic match?

Speaking Sputnik: I see grit in this team, the kind of grit that it took to beat Spain 2-0 and the kind of grit this same team apparently lost in the next match to Brazil, 3-2. The two goals by Casey are a vindication of Bradley’s decision to start him over Jozy Altidore (perhaps the most iconic Spanish giant-killer) and Donovan scored a brilliantly struck free kick as he is supposed to. Mech, this team found a way to win, but did anything they did especially worry you?

Mech: I think the main issues for me are twofold: a beatable defense and an inability to get early leads. The defense collapsed on Leon’s second goal and was repeatedly penetrated by the Honduran attack. The US showed issues marking in the box and Bocanegra nearly cost the USA the victory with a handball in the box. I think the Bornstein–Bocanegra—-Onyewu–Spector defense is very possibly the best unit for the USA, but unless Onyewu plays at Milan, Bornstein and Spector grow and Bocanegra steps his game up, this unit will be gashed in South Africa. And of course, the USA needs to get the early offense to allow them to play from ahead, rather than playing the catch-up soccer that has become a staple of this qualifying campaign.

With the USA now qualified, what do you project for this team and what do you think they need to do to advance deeper into the tournament?

Speaking Sputnik: I honestly have no idea which U.S. team will show up in the tournament. We could see the team that absolutely outclassed Spain, or we could see the team that gave up key leads to both Brazil and Mexico in key situations. If the U.S. receives a favorable draw for group play, it’s reasonable to expect that they advance to the knockout stages, but I believe it’s only a matter of time until one of the world’s truly great sides makes a mockery of the backline and the team. To go deep, the backline need to step up. They played complacently after Donovan’s goal, and against any other world-class side, they would have been made to pay to the tune of a loss. If the backline plays with hunger and composure under an all-out attack situation, I’ll give them more credit. Until then, I’m simply not sure what to predict for this team.

That was a good question, so I’ll flip it. What do you think this team is capable of, and how can they advance into the knockout stages and beyond?

Mech: At its best (which I would only say we have seen versus Spain and in the first half versus Brazil in the Confederations Cup) the United States is a top-8 squad in the world.  The key to the US playing at such a level in South Africa comes from the work its players do in the rest of its season. It is essential all its players play big minutes and excel in club play. Those stars playing in Europe stick out: It is essential that Jozy play big minutes for Hull against the elite backs of the EPL, Gooch begin to play in Milan, and if he doesn’t, get transferred in January to somewhere he will, and a guy like Spector increase his minutes with West Ham. The talent is here for this US squad: they finally have two dynamic strikers in Davies and Altidore, international veterans in Donovan and Dempsey, and top-level defenders. With continued play with clubs and continued emphasis on creativity offensively and soundness defensively, I could see this US club making the quarterfinals again, and with a good matchup, even the semis. But realistically, I think we agree that the team should advance out of group play, and all progress from there has to do heavily with match-ups.

Speaking Sputnik: It’s good that this team was able to close it out, to ensure that they would not have to play a red-hot Costa Rican side with their World Cup qualifying hopes on the line, but I’m a bit apprehensive of what the future may hold. For now, though, I think it is appropriate to give credit where credit is due: this team made the World Cup and that is a feat worth applauding.

Mech: For me, first and foremost, we qualified, and not even via the backdoor route. The US came into a tough environment needing a win and they succeeded. While this is not the kind of performance that makes the US look as an elite team, but it was encouraging. We now know that Casey is a striker who can contribute to this team, maybe pushing the eternally mediocre Brian Ching down the bench. It reminded us that Donovan is a leader, playmaker, and clutch performer, while Howard is still an elite goaltender. The US has progressing stars in Davies, Bradley, and Holden. There are issues to worry about for South Africa, but for now all is right for US Soccer: we’re going back to the World Cup.

]]> http://www.therookiesblog.com/2009/10/11/reservation-for-south-africa-the-yanks-are-marching-in/feed/ 0 http://www.therookiesblog.com/2009/10/07/the-gauntlet-has-been-thrown-down/ http://www.therookiesblog.com/2009/10/07/the-gauntlet-has-been-thrown-down/#comments Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:42:49 +0000 Mechanick http://www.therookiesblog.com/?p=4963

The World Series runs through the defending champs. Challengers get in line.

Brett why did you leave us?!?!?!?!?!?

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a football game tonight involving a former Packers QB playing against his former team. No biggie, right? Tell that to the likely record television crowd watching tonight. As Favre-a-palooza reaches a fever pitch tonight, I will put forth my one hope: an actual good football game. Monday Night Football has had 3 great games so far this year, so it would really be nice if this game could live up to the hype. So go NFC North Parity!

Song of the Night: I’m vexed, fumin, I’ve had it up to here, My days of payin dues are over, acknowledge we is in there

Links:

An archived Rock-itude on the post-Favre era for Packers fans.

What we know after five weeks of college football.

A beautiful goal from Barca.

Laser Gunship Blowtorches Truck. Yup.

Minda’s in search of Ryan Shealy. Get excited.

Topic of Discussion:

How much do you hate Brett Favre?

Have a good night people.

The Cocks Stand Triumphant

Another day in college football, another upset. #4 Ole Miss was the latest to fall, losing 16-10 in Columbia to South Carolina. The Rebels join USC, BYU, Oklahoma St. and Oklahoma in the heap of fallen powers. What should we take from the run of upsets we’ve been seeing in the college ranks? That there is currently a ton of parity in the game right now, with only 3 elite teams: Texas, Florida, and Alabama, and even they are still unsure. Looking towards Saturday, there are two match-ups that stand out an undefeated Iowa at Penn St. in prime time and Miami traveling to face the Hokies. For the game in Happy Valley, I’ll take the home Nittany Lions big over the overrated Kirk Ferentz’s Iowa squad. As for the Miami/VA Tech game, I see Miami winning a tight game over the Hokies, bringing the “U” talk to a fever pitch. As for the NFL…

No super exciting match-ups, so let’s go straight to the picks.

RAVENS (-13.5) over Browns- This is a scary line, but Cleveland is flat out terrible. Ravens dominate a shitty Browns team.
Packers (-7) over RAMS- I will not bet on a team that is averaging 3.5 points a game.
Giants (-7) over BUCS- Giants D will make Leftwich Cry
EAGLES (-8.5) over Chiefs- Kevin Kolb actually looked pretty good. The Chiefs: not so much. Eagles win big.
LIONS (+6.5) over Redskins- The Redskins barely beat the fucking Rams. I think the Lions can keep it close.
PATRIOTS over (-4) Falcons- Oh no the Pats lost one game! Fuck that shit, they’re still the Pats.
Titans (+2.5) over JETS- Titans are too good to be 0-3, Jets aren’t good enough to be 3-0. Titans Win.
Niners (+7) over VIKINGS- Vikings are laying too many points for a team who almost lost to the Lions.
TEXANS (-3.5) over Jaguars- Matt Schaub is back from the dead, Texans Win.
Bears (-2) over SEAHAWKS- Seahawks looked bad last week and are now Hasselbeck-less, Bears trounce.
Steelers (-4) over BENGALS- Tough game to call, but I’ll take the Steelers for a relatively healthy win.
Broncos (-1.5) over RAIDERS- Jamarcus Russell is TERRIBLE. Broncos win.
CHARGERS (-6) over Dolphins- Everyone now hates the Chargers. So of course they win big.
Saints (-6) over BILLS- Saints are a really, really good team. They cover.
Colts (+1.5) over CARDS- Who really has the balls to bet against Peyton?
Panthers (+9) over COWBOYS- 9 points is wayyyy to many points for a mediocre Cowboys team to be laying.

Song of the Night: Only Built 4 Cuban Linx… Pt. II might be the album of the year.

Links:

A classy ending in Arkansas.

Daulerio gets fooled, Style Points gets Learning Curved.

Trump vs. ESPN: who ya got?

Michael Beasley on his saga.

Topic of Discussion:

It’s my birthday tomorrow. How should I celebrate? How will you celebrate?

Have a good weekend people.

Our only hope?

The end of September is here! Time for some exciting playoff race baseball! Teams are fighting to the right to play October baseball. Teams are duking it out, playing every game with the highest intensity as the quest of glory wraps up.

…wait, we don’t have a playoff race closer than three games apart? Five of the division winners are close to automatic?

Well, Bud Selig’s baby the Wild Card is fixing that, right? Wait, you’re telling me that with two weeks to go in the season the Wild Card is pretty much decided?

Do we have any hope for a playoff race, for baseball to have some momentum going into the postseason?

Well, don’t look in the AL East or West: The Yankees and Angels have distanced themselves from the Wild Card contenders in second place with good (Yankees) and possibly unsustainably lucky (not the Yankees) hitting. And don’t look in the NL at all: The closest race is the Wild Card, which the Rockies lead by four games over the Giants. Until Tim Lincecum is cloned, that is an exceedingly large deficit for a team that, despite the presence of Pablo Sandoval, is allergic to being good at hitting the baseball or getting on base.

So, uh, what we have is the Minnesota Twins. Yes, the ones whose number two starter is the illustrious Carl Pavano. Somehow, they have managed to shave the front-running Detroit Tigers’ lead to 2.5 games after a crucial series win this weekend over the Tigers at home. The Twins have 12 games left to catch the Tigers, including a four-game series in Detroit beginning next Monday.

Do I think the Twins will catch the Tigers? No. But hopefully they can make it interesting.

L'shana Tova Bar

For those of you who aren’t members of the tribe, tonight launches Rosh Hashannah, the Jewish new year. That means suits, services, and apples & honey. But we also have some fantastic football to look forward to this weekend, so to my Jewish brothers, Happy New Year, and to everyone else, sit on your ass and watch some football. As for the college ranks, we saw a huge result last night in Miami’s thrashing of Georgia Tech. As for the best game of Saturday, we get to see our resident unicorn Minda’s beloved Cornhuskers at VA Tech. I like the Hokies at home for the victory. As for the other intriguing games of the Saturday, I see Florida destroying Tennessee and USC narrowly avoiding the upset in Washington.

As for the NFL, here are the picks from this amateur degenerate gambler:

Atlanta (-6) over Carolina- I never liked Delhomme, now I really don’t like him.
St. Louis (+10) over Washington- Too many points for Washington’s offense to cover.
Houston (+7) over Tennessee- Houston was the bandwagon, they lose and now they suck. Count me still on the bandwagon (sorta).
Philadelphia (Even) over New Orleans- Philly has the best corners in football and Trent Cole coming at Brees’s head.
New England (-3) over NY Jets- I cannot see a Belichick coached team getting beat by a rookie QB.
Kansas City (-2.5) over Oakland- Kansas City is at home, and there’s no way the Raiders can play that well two weeks in a row.
Arizona (+3) over Jacksonville- I like the chances of the Cardinals offense clicking this week.
Green Bay (-9.5) over Cincinnati- Think the Stokley catch hangs over the Bengals for at least one more week.
Minnesota (-10) over Detroit- AP vs. Detroit D. AP wins.
Tampa Bay (+4) over Buffalo- Tough game to pick this week, like Tampa’s chances to play Bills tough.
Seattle (+1.5) over San Francisco- I’ll take Hasselbeck over Shaun Hill.
Pittsburgh (-3) over Chicago- Jay Cutler sucks. Steelers win big.
San Diego (-3) over Baltimore- Don’t count out San Diego, Chargers are a good, good team.
Denver (-3) over Cleveland- The neckbearded one leads the Broncos to a 2-0 start!
NY Giants (+2.5) over Dallas- Giants are really good, Cowboys are good. Giants Win.
Indianapolis (-3) over Miami- This is a sucker line, Dolphins are not a good team. Colts offense tears up Dolphins.

Song of the Night: Slaughterhouse is straight fire, good to see these guys team up.

Links

Tony Reali: Fantasy Genius?

Super Tecmo Magic from JoPo

Would this make Mauer Leonardo?

Pshh, like the MLS is logical.

Writing “Pay Me” on your shoes may not be the best means of contract negotiation.

Introducing Fanalytics

Topic of Discussion:

What is the better video game, FIFA or NHL (both in their current forms and in their histories)

Have a good weekend people.

The Dutchman Had It Coming

We welcome everyone to come on back for the The Rookies EPL Chat here at 5 PM. We’ve come back from the international break with partying in Manchester, knock-outs and suspensions, and an undefeated Chelsea. So stop by, get a couple of drinks in you, and get ready to yell about some British football.

Thank God It's Football Season

Well, ladies and gents, we’ve reached the real start of football season. We saw an uninspiring NFL opener last night, but remember, there’s football all day Saturday and Sunday, so you have no reason to really move off your couch. Now, last week saw a pretty good NCAA opening week with the Fightin’ Mormons of BYU upsetting the Sooners and FSU/Miami actually having a really good game. But fuck that shit, now we have the real action coming Saturday: Michigan playing ND and Ohio St. playing USC. Michigan seems to be an underdog going into this game, but remember what happened last time Jimmy Clausen came to the Big House?

Oh, it is pretty, oh so pretty. And being the irrational Michigan man I am, I fully expect a similar result to the 38-0 shellacking we put on the Irish last time they dared come to Ann Arbor. As for USC vs. Ohio St., you might think it’s a slick pick to bet against the favored Trojans, with them being on the road and starting a freshman QB. Don’t. Ohio St. sucks. They almost lost to a Navy team that is unable to throw that brand-new invention of the forward pass, how do you think they’re going to do against the most talented team in the nation? USC wins big.

As for the NFL, here are the picks from this amateur degenerate gambler:

Eagles (-2) over Panthers-  Jake Dehlomme needs to do some serious work to win back by gambling trust
Bengals (-4) over Broncos- OCHO! OCHO! OCHO! Oh and the Bengals have a pretty good D.
Texans (-4.5) over Jets-  My entire fantasy team is on the Texans, so they better win.
Vikings (-4) over Browns- I’m putting the O/U at 40 for the number of points the Vikes drop on the Browns’ putrid D
Lions (+13) over Saints- I might be crazy, but I feel Stafford keeps his shit together well enough for the Lions not to get blown out
Colts (-7) over Jaguars-  Colts are a good, good, team. Jaguars: not so much.
Ravens (-13) over Chiefs- Tyler Thigpen versus the Ravens D: no thanks.
Buccaneers (+6) over Cowboys - Bucs are at home, Wade Phillips still coaches the Cowboys.
Patriots (-10.5) over Bills- The T.O. experience in Buffalo gets off to a poor start.
Giants (-6.5) over Redskins- Giants have a nasty D, Jason Campbell sucks.
Rams (+8.5) over Seahawks- I got a feeling we see a bit of a resurgence from Steven Jackson.
Cardinals (-6.5) over 49ers- Pants are dropping in the Niners’ locker room by halftime.
Packers (-3.5) over Bears- Jay Cutler is throwing to who exactly? Pack’s offense is maybe the best in football.
Dolphins (+4) over Falcons- I’m betting on the Wildcat 2.0
Chargers (-9) over Raiders- I have the odds at 20-1 Tom Cable is punching out JaMarcus Russell at some point during the game.

Song of the Night: Gotta give some love to my boys from the ‘Bugh for their win last night.

Links

It was 9/11 today, so let us have a moment of silence then remember Jon Stewart’s post-9/11 speech.

“Biased, annoying and most probably wrong.”

Flyers’ Winter Classic jerseys revealed

Michael Jordan went in to the HOF today, and his opponents consider him the best ever

Topic of Discussion

Why do certain colleges suck so much? (I’m looking at you Ohio St. and Notre Dame)

Song to Play Us Out

Have a good weekend people.

Wait, seriously, Ricardo Clark won us the game?

Another week has passed, stop by at 5 pm for another football chat. Since we have no EPL to discuss, come by to discuss some World Cup Qualifying. USA had two big (albeit unspectacular) wins, England is looking good going into the World Cup, and Argentina is about ready to shoot national hero Diego Maradona. So stop by, get a couple of drinks in you, and get ready to yell about some international football.

Ow-uh Fackin Hero

Mahky: The Fackin Sawx ahh gohna win the Wahld Series. Youkahlis, Beckett, Lestah
Lahrry: Mariano Rivera: fackin’ douchebag
Mahky: Fackin Yanks
Lahrry: Fahtahss Sabahthia
Mahky: Buncha fakin fahgs
Lahrry: Ow-uh team is bettah than they-uh team
Mahky: Don’t even get me stahted on Derek Jetah
Lahrry: Wicked quee-uh
Mahky: Jetah has fackin nothin on Nomahh
Lahrry: Nomahhh, the fackin’ dude
Mahky: Man I fackin hate Riviera. Pahpelbahhn is the fackin man. Him and BAHHHD. Gonnah win us anothah championship.
Lahrry: The fackin Sawx are gonna fackin win the pennant, A-Roid is a fackin scrub
Mahky: Who am I supposed to be scared of, the Tigahs? Verlandah’s a fackin’ fahg. Cabrerah’s ah bitch.
Lahrry: A fackin bitch. What if Tawmmy Brady played for the Sawx in the summah? That would be fackin unbeatable baseball.
Mahky: Tawmmy Brady, play him at shawtstop with that ahm of his.
Lahrry: Fackin firing strikes to first all fackin day
Mahky: Be almost as good as when Nomahh was heah
Lahrry: I need to do my lawwwndry but I’m watchin fackin’ sawkah
Mahky: USA fackin rules
Lahrry: Fackin A! The fackin’ U-S of A! Jozy Altido-uh.
Mahky: Imagine if Tawmmy Brady played for the USA. Him and Lahrry Legend. Wicked strikahs.
Lahrry: Un-beatable. Like the Sawx.
Mahky: We scorin’ goals every fackin minute
Lahrry: Like the fackin’ Pats and touchdowns
Mahky: Like Kevin fackin Gahnett. Scorin every minute. Celts ahh gonna be fackin champs this yeah. Peahce, Gahnett, Ahllen, and now we got Rahsheed.
Lahrry: Fackin Celts didn’t have they-uh focus togethah. What they need is Tawwmy Brady to calm them down. Maybe Varitek to provide leadahship.
Mahky: It was all cuz fackin Gahnett was hurt. If Gahnett was healthy we going fackin bahk to bahk
Lahrry: Fackin bahk-to-bahk-to-bahk with this ye-uh’s club. Kobe Bryant is a fackin’ scrub.
Mahky: Dwight Howahd? Fackin bitch.
Lahrry: LeBrahn? Fackin choke ahhtist.
Mahky: He ain’t no fackin Lahrry Legend.
Lahrry: No fackin way
Mahky: You know what’s fackin wicked?
Lahrry: The fackin’ Sawx?
Mahky: Them too. But Bahston College beatin those fackin Northeastahn bitches 54-0.
Lahrry: Bahston College is a fackin’ Bahston school
Mahky: BC is winnin the fackin national championship
Lahrry: Good fackin’ kids at BC
Mahky: My boy is goin to fackin Hahvahd
Lahrry: Fackin Hahvahd! Fackin smart boy! He won’t forget his fackin’ roots like that fackah A-Roid
Mahky: Fackin A-Roid’s a cheatah. Sawx have nevah had any fackin cheatahs. Big Pahpi was fackin framed.
Lahrry: Fackin New Yahk media. Fackin hating on how tha Sawx are gonna win the pennant
Mahky: And everyone knows fackin Mahnny didn’t cheat till he got to the Dodgahs. Fackin traitah.
Lahrry: Fackin’ hawwlywood. Him and fackin’ Kobe Bryant. Fackin’ cheatin’ butt-buddies
Mahky: None of them ahh as fackin ahhsome as Tawmmy Brady
Lahrry: No fackin way

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.