The Quarterback Chronicles, Week 9
Aaron Rodgers: Property of the Bucs
Speaking Sputnik doesn’t remember the last two Saturdays but loves him a football Sunday. And imagining what’s going on in your favorite quarterback’s head.
Dear Diary,
Finalized guest list for my MVP cocktail party. Peyton is so going to love the hors d’oeuvres, I made them in the shape of the Lombardi Trophy I’m going to win. Classy, I know.
Drew Brees
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Dear Diary,
Wow, what a week! Purple Jesus and I got mad swole at the gym, I threw the ball around with my homeboys in Wrangler Jeans and scruff (in case the local kids wanted to see how it’s done) and I beat A-Rodg in Farmville. I wonder if Ted “Terrible GM Poopyhead” Thompson knows that he’s still my bitch. I’ll text him. Favre out.
Brett Favre
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Dear Diary,
You belong to Aaron Rodgers, but since I seem to own most of him anyway, so I figured I’d take you. I don’t think he’ll notice. His pride belongs to the Buccaneers, so this is the next best thing, I guess.
Jared Allen
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Dear Diary,
Well, at least some people think I’m better than Anderson, right Sputnik?
Brady Quinn
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Dear Diary,
WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A WIN AROUND HERE JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! I am the best fucking quarterback this town’s seen since the Eighties and this dumbfuck head coach manages to call a defense that can’t even stop Tim Hightower. TIM HIGHTOWER. Olsen might as well have rolled a joint before the game, because he was lights-out, even fucking Devin is playing like a good receiver. But no. The fucking defense blows it. Honestly. If it weren’t for my Gunslinging, this team would have jackshit going for it. Jackshit.
Jay Cutler
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Dear Diary,
Well, Eli, I guess you aren’t unstoppable after all.
Philip Rivers
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Dear Diary,
Jamarcus get week off for eat and sleep. That’s why they pay me.
Jamarcus Russell
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Dear Diary,
Well, at least I’m still starting.
Chad Henne
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Dear Diary,
This weekend was confusing, and I don’t really remember what happened. It was a blur. I do remember thinking that the Packers were supposed to be good, or something. And that we were supposed to suck. Live and learn, I guess.
Josh Freeman
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Dear Diary,
I don’t throw any interceptions and we STILL lose? Really?
Jake Delhomme
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Dear Diary,
I bet the Bears miss my Sex Cannon now… right?
Rex Grossman
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Dear Diary,
It sure was nice of our defense to let the Lions think they stood a chance this week. Feel-good story of the year, right there.
Matt Hasselbeck
Good post – pretty damn funny!
Josh Freeman – you know it was a total blur. Rookies in the NFL must be freakin. At least he’s on a lousy team replacing a nobody so it isn’t like he’s filling in for Favre – a legend on a team thinking Super Bowl this year. With the incredible success freshmen QB’s are having in the NCAA this year, maybe it will carry over to NFL rookies in the coming years.
How is it that Kyle Orton and Cedric Benson were horrible in Chicago, and now suddenly great on other teams? Something in the water?? I’m from Buffalo, and the Bill’s coach (Jauron – formerly of Chicago) sure didn’t excel when leaving the windy city. Bummer for us.
Let me add one for ya – Trent Edwards – Buffalo:
Dear Diary,
When I asked the coach to consider bringing in T.O. and then we did, I thought that would be good somehow. I mean, when we agreed to pay him $6.5 Million to play for us this year, I thought that was supposed to include participating in training camp, practicing during the year, running hard when on the field, and actually fighting for the ball instead of letting defenders have it. I knew he might lead the league again in dropped passes and make my stats look lousy, but I thought he might catch a couple along the way and give us a win or two that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. I thought by now he’d be tearing me apart in the media, but it turns out he doesn’t even care enough about being here to have an opinion. Didn’t see that coming!
Trent Edwards