Sabermetrics + Me = Samermetrics
A physical representation of Samermetrics.
Uh, introducing Samermetrics?
Since baseball stats these days are bullshit, (What the fuck’s UZR? Ultimate Z-Job Rating? Please.) I decided to make my own. And because my name, Samer, is one consonant away from being the word “Saber” (a fuckin’ sweet sword), I’ll just plug my name in there for catchy trademark purposes. Get ready for your stupid lame-ass statistics to be fucked in the ear.
Twice.
The first stat I will give you today is the Scrappy-ness Quotient, or SQ for short. Here’s the formula:
The equation is pretty straight-forward, taking in various factors of what is defined as a “scrappy” player. The leaders in this statistic currently are Dustin Pedroia and David Eckstein. The scrappiest player of all time, however, is none other than Scrappy Moore, who played one season with the St. Louis Browns in 1917. Despite only having 8 at-bats and a career batting average of .125, we salute you, Scrappy Moore.
Alright, the other stat I’m dropping on you this week is Perspiration Index, or PI. View the formula:
Kevin Youkilis is a two-time league leader in PI, starting to profusely sweat just while changing into his game uniform in late April, but this year has faced sodden competition in the AL East: CC Sabathia’s pinstripes are soaked by the time he has the pants on. While this stat is usually used for more hefty players, Tim Lincecum and his constantly greasy hair are usually seen in the rankings. David Wells would be one of the all-time leaders in PI, but “Effort put while playing” turned out to be negative for him.
That’s all I’ve got for this week. I hope you took notes, because you’ll be quizzed later. The best grade gets a Bartolo Colon Los Angeles Angels trading card.
I know you’re amped about that.
