The Rookies

Shaq tweeted this video last night. We thought it was so good, we needed to grab it for all of you to share.

And review it as only a bunch of snarky insomniacs can.

Let’s do this bullet-point style:

• It’s not spelled “Micheal,” big guy.
• Nice use of PowerPoint 2000 on the words.
• Again, quit with the “touch” references; it’s just creepy.
• Why are there girls wearing bikinis on a basketball court?
• Is this a normal scene at Shaq’s house?
Shaq’s still got the Heat logo on his court.
Damon Jones really had nothing better to do.
White guys shirtless!
Everyone doing the crotch-grab!
Damon Jones couldn’t shove Shaq two feet.
PLASTIC KNIFE FIGHT!
I really did love the original “Beat It” video.
Slow-motion stabbing!
Jabbawockeez T-shirt!
This is the longest knife fight ever.
Damon Jones may be the worst actor in the history of acting.
HOLY MJ IMAGE MONTAGE!
• Shaq’s still got the Heat logo on his court.
• Damon Jones really had nothing better to do. Huh.
• White guys shirtless!
• Everyone doing the crotch grab!
• Damon Jones couldn’t shove Shaq two feet if he was riding an elephant.
• PLASTIC KNIFE FIGHT!
• I really did love the original “Bad” video. This is not that video.
• Slow-motion stabbing!
• Jabbawockeez T-shirt!
• This is the longest knife fight ever.
• Damon Jones may be the worst actor in the history of acting.
• HOLY MJ IMAGE MONTAGE!

So, uh, well, there’s that. Perhaps the real video will be a palate-cleanser.

Also: Welcome back to The Rookies. We’re probably actually going to have this site up for a while, and we’ll be revamping a lot of our content and look as we go. As always, we welcome your comments, questions, tweets, and other brickbats.

Enjoy the ride, kids.