The Rookies

Nice sunlight. (Gets much bigger.)

The last time we tried to say sports would be boring momentarily (just pretend that’s a link until we re-upload all of our posts from the last server) that whole Confederations Cup thing happened. So sports are going to be really freaking boring, with the exception of Wimbledon, for the next few days. Thus, the picture of Ms. Sharapova.

What do you mean she’s not in the tournament anymore? Dammit.

Other Sites’ Blogorrhea

• Chad Ochocinco spars with Socks “Ron Artest.” (Style Points)
• Mariano Rivera can stop time, and cheat death. But, c’mon, it was only the Mets. (3:10 to Joba)
• This name is just awesome. (Dunking With Wolves)
• The end of a brilliant era. (Rockin’ Steady)
• Hirshey (!) on soccer, once more. (Deadspin)

Special commendation to Avoiding the Drop. All sorts of great soccer stuff over there.

Our Words, Matched With Pictures And Probably Spelled Wrong

• Tomato and the Canadian on the NHL Draft.
• Rock on EA in EA, and Andy Roddick’s openness.

After the jump, my adventure in new music. It is a must-read.

The Stick Stickly I thought I knew.

Growing up in the ’90s, I, as well as countless other tweens, would watch Nickelodeon day-in and day-out.  It was only a matter of time before seeing a commercial featuring Stick Stickly, a Popsicle stick with little fake eyeballs (those ones that would come in a arts and crafts kit) and a drawn-on mouth, just about everyday.

Now the other day, a music video was brought to my attention.  This music video was by a band calling themselves Attack Attack! (kind of like Panic! At the Disco before they sold-out and became all pop…yeah, never mind).

This song’s title?  “Stick Stickly”.

Popout

If you made it through the whole video, kudos.  The payoff at about 2:40 in is worth it?

Isn’t it?

ISN’T IT?!

Go on. Watch it again. I won’t blame you.

Okay, now, tell me: HOW AWESOME IS “STICK STICKLY”?!

This song/video (and, really, you can’t have one without the other) has everything:

• Screaming that causes ear bleeds
• Crabwalk (not quite crab-dribbling) guitar playing
• Synchronized headbangs
• Synchronized guitar flips
• No discernable plot, just a girl walking throughout a house in the middle of nowhere
• The song is called “Stick Stickly”
• Matching black shirts, blue jeans, and haircuts; it’s like a band of overweight Will Leitches
• A keyboard player rocking out
• More crabwalking
• A fucking techno breakdown out of NOWHERE

I-I just don’t know what else to say.  Attack Attack! has probably made one of the worst songs/music videos of all-time.  But it is so awesomely terrific I can’t stop watching it.

My unintentional live blog, in our Executive Lounge, when this song was brought to my attention in the middle of one of our chats:

[11:41:12 PM] coolhwhip: You know that loud, rasping, cacophonous voice that they use, that sounds like yelling? That’s what bands do when they can’t sing. That and the continuous headbanding made me think this was a joke.

[11:43:31 PM] coolhwhip: /eye bleeds
[11:43:39 PM] coolhwhip: And….Fin.

Please, please spread this video around.  I wish TRL was still around just so I could get one of those auto-dialers that I people use on American Idol to “stuff the ballot”.

Attack Attack!, thank you. (Or should that be a question mark? I hate punctuation.)

ALSO: Our server problems have been fixed. Thanks for sticking with us, and listening to Rock rant; we appreciate your support way more than you know. (Shakey subsists on Internet love, you see.)

Thanks for coming. Threaten my life for introducing you to this video in the comments.