The Rookies

$3.50 for Angels and Airwaves, but not one cent for earthquake relief. Oh, and plenty of ugly antipathy for other people’s grandmothers.

Update: Shirley began Valentine’s Day in as classy a manner as possible.

The writers of The Rookies have a special chat room where we talk about many kinds of topics, ranging from boobs to purchasing lamps to the lovely way Chuck’s hair shimmers in the moonlight.

Here’s a snippet of some letters typed together to provoke laughter or shock.

Chuck Knoblockhead: So you’re not supposed to make the girl pay?
Minda: . . .
Chuck Knoblockhead: Well fuck, you say you want to be equal and then you won’t pay for 100% of the meal?
Chuck Knoblockhead: HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?
Minda: SEVENTY CENTS TO THE DOLLAR!
Chuck Knoblockhead: EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK
Andy Hutchins: EQUAL SUGAR SUBSTITUTE
TheDerridaDrop: No Blood For Oil!
Andy Hutchins: Don’t Tread on Me!
TheDerridaDrop: 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB
Chuck Knoblockhead: 54′ 40″ OR FIGHT
Minda: KANYE WAS FRAMED
TheDerridaDrop: I LIKE IKE
Chuck Knoblockhead: WAKE UP SHEEPLE
Andy Hutchins: MILLIONS FOR DEFENSE, BUT NOT ONE CENT FOR THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE IF THEY HIRE MARIOTTI
TheDerridaDrop: THE NARD DOG
Chuck Knoblockhead: THE NARD DOG
Chuck Knoblockhead: ROAD TRIP!
TheDerridaDrop: I’m so scared from all the yelling

There’s something different about the NHL this year. It doesn’t have anything to with anything on the ice  and it isn’t the salary cap. It’s the coaches. Read the rest of this entry →

A conversation with my mother during Monday Night Football:

Mom: You really should go back to pursuing a career in sports journalism.

Me: …why?

Mom: So you could draw stuff on the field with a Telestrator!

Me: You know I’d just draw penises, right?

Mom: I know. I’d like that.

[Fin.]

(Image via.)

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dear Troy,

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The classic PC game Scorched Earth provides an instructive model for the Blue Jays.

The Sports Illustrated report this afternoon that the Toronto Blue Jays have dealt Roy Halladay to the Phillies in a three-team deal confirmed what most Jays’ fans have known since the team’s early hot start last year fell apart; the team’s officially gone into rebuilding mode. However, the question remains as to just what that will entail, and the Jays’ recent history is not auspicious in that regard.
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I’m in Calgary this week for the Grey Cup, the CFL championship game, which features the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Montreal Alouettes. It should be a great one. Kickoff is at 6:30 p.m. Eastern/3:30 p.m. Pacific, and I’m planning to live-blog the game over at Sporting Madness. Before that, here’s a little preview to get you prepped for the game.

Media interview Roughriders' coach Ken Miller (centre) at a breakfast with the Grey Cup (background) this week

Saskatchewan:

Number of Grey Cups won: Three

Last Grey Cup victory: 2007

Coach: Ken Miller

How they got here: Finished first in the CFL West Division, then knocked off the Calgary Stampeders 27-17 in the West Final to advance to the Grey Cup.

Key player: Running back Wes Cates. Cates is a rushing and receiving threat in the Ray Rice mould, and a very good one. He was key to the Riders’ Grey Cup win in 2007 and was their top player last year. He’s had a down year thanks to injuries, but if he can get the Saskatchewan rushing game going, that could be the crucial key to their success. Otherwise, Montreal will be able to drop too many men into coverage and pick off quarterback Darian Durant.

Montreal:

Number of Grey Cups won: Six

Last Grey Cup victory: 2002

Head coach: Marc Trestman

How they got here: Finished first in the league with a 15-3 record, then demolished B.C. 56-18 in the East final.

Key player: Quarterback Anthony Calvillo. Calvillo won his third Most Outstanding Player award and his second one in two years this week. He may be 37, but he threw for 4,639 yards and 26 touchdowns while completing 72 per cent of his passes and was only picked off six times. However, the Alouettes are a surprising 1-6 in Grey Cup games with Calvillo at the helm. Not all of that is his fault, but this edition of the team certainly goes as Calvillo goes. If he has a typically brilliant day, they’ll win. If not, he may drop to 1-7.

Alouettes' QB Anthony Calvillo receives his third Most Outstanding Player award Friday.

Thanks for reading The Whole 110 Yards this season! Be sure to stop by Sporting Madness for my other Grey Cup coverage and my live blog. I’ll have one final edition of the Whole 110 Yards posted early this coming week to wrap up the game and the CFL season that was.

Casey Printers will lead the B.C. Lions into the Eastern Final today.

Last week’s CFL playoffs saw a pair of thrilling games, with the B.C. Lions seeing off the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and the Calgary Stampeders taking down their provincial rivals in Edmonton. That sets up a pair of intriguing matchups for this week. Time to break them down below.
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This is a picture of Dick Jauron when he was hired to coach the Buffalo Bills in 2006.

Partial hair loss.

This is a photo of him during their 2009 season opener at New England.

...more partial hair loss.

Normally, it takes four years in the White House for someone to age that fast, not three and a half in Orchard Park, but that pretty much sums up the Dick Jauron Era for you. Read the rest of this entry →

Losing team of the week-the Carolina Hurricanes have always been a streaky team, winning the 2006 Stanley Cup with a rookie goalie by simply outlasting the Buffalo Sabres and Edmonton Oilers on their way to the title, then missing the next two postseasons with Mets style collapses before rallying down the stretch last season and making it all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals. Still, it’s kind of unusual for a team to be so streaky that they could go on a 14 game losing streak. The good news for the ‘Canes: the streak ended on Sunday with a 5-4 SO win over Minnesota and have a 4 game point streak thanks to SO losses to the Islanders on Friday, Montreal on Tuesday and a SO win over Toronto on Thursday. The bad news: their star forward and goalie, Eric Staal and Cam Ward, are out with serious injuries, along with one of their backup goalies, Michael Leighton.

Speaking of streaks-at the other end of the win column, the New Jersey Devils finally lost their first road game of the year on Monday, 3-2 to Philadelphia. The Devils were one game away from tying Buffalo’s record of 10 straight road wins to start the season.

Are you sure you aren’t doing this wrong?-the good news for Chicago Blackhawks fans: the team is close to signing Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews to contract extensions and is about to sign one of its players to what could be a 13-year deal. The not quite as good news: neither Kane or Toews is said player, with defenseman Duncan Keith getting the Ovechkin/DiPietro-length deal.

Odds and ends-Alexander Oveckin and Ilya Kovalchuk are back, making Southeast Division games infinitely more watchable, Anaheim’s owner, Henry Samueli, is out of jail and back in control of the team and Brendan Shanahan finally retired.